Its official, I'll be graduating with a 2nd lower class honours degree on the 19th of July 2011!
So yeah, what do I feel about?
Weellllll... Im delighted, that i didnt flunk my left semester and managed to scraped through everything, I was actually having serious serious dreads of me messing up my last paper and design project 2.. However, I managed to pull through! I am delighted that I did managed to get 2nd lower class still, and did not drop to a 3rd class...
However, reflecting back on the my degree and all. I do seriously regret the way I've handled myself throughout my past 2 years of university life... I mean honestly, I was a 4 flat student coming out of foundation, and I was a 1st class student throughout 1st year. What happened to him?
In all honesty, most of me is blaming the university for dumping me in an accommodation so far away from where I applied for, which is so far away from school. So yeah, whats the problem with this you ask? I am a perfectionist. I value highly other people's opinion of me, which isn't always good, it can be, but hardly the case with me. So yeah, how do they relate? Since entering 2nd year, our classes have been smaller, there are less and less students, thus having smaller lecture theatres. Nearly ALL of this lecture theatres have entrances that come in from the front of the lecture hall, where EVERYONE can see you coming in if you're late. Im sure you see the problem now. Perfectionist-> Coming late->Everyones gonna think of me as a late comer, and i cant really stand all eyes on me, I hate attention.
So yeah, my general decisions were to not come at all. Id rather not go then be late. I do not abide to the saying, 'better late than never', although I know it is true.
So correlation, living near to classes EQUALS 1st class, 4 flat student. Living far away = Flunkie.
foundation and 1st year, i lived within 10 minutes of walking distance to classes. and clearly the results are getting 4 flat and being a first class student.
What happened when you dump me far away, meh, flunkie.
I know its ridiculous, and there are ways to avoid it, like waking up early and all that. pfft, Im the worst at waking up. You can ask my family if you want proof. Its hard to get me out of bed, and Im always last to get up, whenever we're travelling.
And I hate using the bus, it cant speed up if you're late, when you're within walking distance, you can always just walk faster, or even run, which I DO when im late in foundation and 1st year. But I couldnt do that anymore. No I couldnt. It takes 30 mins by bus in the accomodation that they dump me in, in the beginning of 2nd year.
So yeah, I DID get to move accommodation after I applied for it. But it wasnt any nearer.. Its still not within my standard walking distance, and it still takes 10-15 mins by bus, which takes longer if you walk. Like I mentioned before, Im the worst at getting up...
And further to that, there was a chain effect. I missed alot of lectures in the 1st sem of 2nd year. My decision was, to catch up by studying in my room. I've drawn myself to a conclusion that had i went to lectures, i wouldnt understand anything anyway so why go lectures, the time would have been better off used by me studying in my own room, which, unfortunately I didn't do. Me being me, the king of procrastination. Seriously, you can't believe how badly I can actually procrastinate. I'd rather not discuss it here.
Seriously, you cant beat me at it.
I would easily top any class in procrastinating.
Seriously.
So yeah, back to the chain effect, 2nd sem, I became lazy.
"I could scrape through last semester with hardly going to too many lectures, Im sure I could do it again if I HAD to"
So yeah, you know what happens.
and I drag this stupid mentality throughout my 2nd and 3rd year, always facing the same problems. Sigh.
So yeah. I know, this is not the university's fault at all. maybe only partly by dumping me so far. But it had a chain effect on me. I know I could have done so many things differently. I know I am at fault for nearly all of it. Sigh. And because of all this, I am seriously regretting everything, and not being nearly as happy as I would like to be by only graduating with a 2.2 degree.
I could have done so many things better. I know, had I just attended more lectures, I would have easily gotten a 2.1 and with a little more effort, a 1st class. I know, I have that natural talent of learning quickly, but because i know that, it has a negative affect on me, and makes me less prone to learn them earlier. Knowing I can learn them later. Which leads to procrastination, which leads to doing EVERYTHING last minute.. Sigh...
My biggest problem is self discipline. I need to discipline myself with waking up on time, making the effort to do things that are needed to do. Not to waste time when I shouldn't. THAT is my biggest problem.
But now, it is too late to learn it to change anything about my degree. Sigh..
