Random literacy

Yes, he's at it again, leaving his fragile wings out in the open. Its like sticking your head out in those first person shooter games without even hiding for cover. Wanting to be sniped in the head and getting a headshot.

"And yet, sometimes, when your heart desires it, you cant help but do it. No matter how much you'd like to avoid it. It just can't be helped."

That's what he tells me now.

He said to me, "It's been way too long."

I tell him, "It's not gonna be any different with that fish in the pond. You are just way too different! You hardly can even see her in there!"

He looks away, deep in thought again. His expression changes to that of confusion. Unsure of what exactly he truly wants to do.

"I just don't know anymore, I see other people being together. I envy them! I truly do miss having someone to love and be loved by."

I look at him, "Your still very young little humming bird, there are still years ahead of yourself. There are still plenty of time for you to find the perfect person. Have hope!"

"But why?? Why is it like this?? When is it that when I finally meet someone who has an inkling of interest to me, it'll be someone so far apart?"

Unsure of what to say, I kept quiet for abit.

He sighs,"I just don't understand why I have to go through all of this."

"Well maybe the almighty one has something else in stored for you. Someone truly special that was made just for you." I say to him.

He responded quickly this time, "What if she is the one for me?? I'm afraid that if I don't grasp this opportunity with both hands, I might regret it. Like I've regretted so many other things before."

I replied,"Maybe..." Then I realise I don't really know what to say to him. Not exactly. Even I am unsure of it now.

"For some reason, I feel that she is truly the one for me. But, it wont be an easy path to take."

"No it is hardly an easy path, there is still so much ahead if you were to take this path. But then again, the best things in life has never arrived so easily."

He flutters around aimlessly now. Deep in thought.

"I'm worried.", he says,"What if she doesn't even like me? She hasn't seen how I truly look like. No, she has only seen me through the surface of the water. For that matter, she doesn't even know what my real name is."

I tell him,"Well if she's truly the one for you, then she will love you no matter how you look or what your name may be. In reality, it really is the person inside that truly counts."

"I know that in the long run, the person whom you truly want to grow old with is someone who you really get along with."

"True that." I say, "Beauty on the outside will fade in time, but beauty on the inside will last forever."

"Exactly. But I am really scared still though. When finally someone comes knocking, I feel afraid to show my face."

I look at him, his wings fluttering tensely by a rose leaf.

"Maybe I should take my time with it. Let her get to know me even better. Before finally showing my face."

I stare straight at him, unsure what to say. "Well I guess that's the only path there is. but remember this, the longer you don't show your true self, and your real name, the deeper of a mess you will be in."

"Agreed."

2 Weeks In!

Hi all!

Just thought I'd post in an update, hahah!

Well, its safe to say that all is going reasonably well here.. Adapting to the surroundings, university, accommodation and people..

Hahah, And personally, its not exactly what i expected! People here are friendly enough I would say, and even more so with my podmates(flatmates)! This time I'm staying at a catered hall so I don't need to worry too much about looking for food.. Though in all honesty, the food in this hall isn't as good as i expected.. In particular the breakfast... Generally just toast, cereals and some canned fruits that has been opened up for us... Had this expectation of getting sausages, bacon, and eggs every morning like Brandon had in his halls back in Manchester before this XD. But I guess Im just expecting too much...

Anyhow, besides that, everything else is going good, bought almost everything for my room to make myself comfortable enough... Glad to say that my room here is slightly bigger than my last room in Manchester! or maybe its just the lack of items I've brought with me to here... XD Well I was in Manchester for 3 years, and loads of stuff got stockpiled in my room at the end of my degree... Anyhow, My room is good enough I would say, and Im happy to say that the windows here can open much further out wide, and my parents bought me a fan as well while they were here, so am feeling really comfortable in my room (Tau la,sa ni kan 'pemanas' XD).

On another note, its a little bit tough here to watch football and even play the sport. Its all rugby here and some basketball, which most of you know isn't really my sport. What with my height and size, I wouldn't be able to stand a chance. Watching football here is a bit tough because of the massive time difference. At the moment, we're 13 hours ahead of UK. So that match yesterday where Arsenal beated Liverpool 2-1 was from 1.45am-3.45am. And that was the afternoon kick off, which would have been around 8.45pm back at home...

Another thing I am also quite disappointed with is the internet, it can be really fast at times, but it would all depend on how many people are using the internet at the time, at one time it even went up to 10MB/s which is craaazzzyyy.... but at others, it could go even slower than back at home... And also, the latency to any game server anywhere isn't as low as i was hoping it to be... Regardless, I've been playing HON again with 1 of my awesome podmates. And he is tonnes better than me (I think I just suck in the game, even more so seeing as I haven't played in more than a year).. But I do feel the latency issue if its not on an Australian server, or maybe I just suck... XD

Oh, and there's another thing that just pissed the hell out of me, well not a thing, but a person. But that's a story for another time as I'd rather not dwell into that at the moment. XD

Anyway, its 11.49pm here now, and I think I should be heading to bed. 

Good night people! Pleasant dreamz!

~Jerom J.~

New Zealand Here I come!

Hi all!

It is official, I will be heading to New Zealand to do my masters! Will be leaving on the 18th of February. So yeah, I've got 19 days left apparently, only thing left is to decide on what classes to take for my course. The course itself is a Masters in Engineering Studies (MEngSt), I was also offered the option of doing an Masters in Engineering (ME), but I didn't want to do any research. So it'll be completely lecture based. Most of the same course around Malaysia and Singapore do same degree but calling it MSc. I guess the Kiwis' just wanted a way to recognise the difference of an engineering based course and a science based course. I will be studying at The University of Auckland.

I was actually thinking about going Australia as well, but hearing a number of people saying there's so many Malaysian there that its almost exactly the same as doing anything back in Malaysia, I opted for New Zealand. I guess its mostly just that New Zealand gives of this impression of scenic and peaceful surroundings.

Then again, I am one that knows, that not all things are as they seem. As the saying goes, don't judge a book by its cover. 

Now it would seem rather weird, that one such as myself would actually want to see and experience this. One who is such a tech geek. (Will post up some photos of my room some time later before I leave and you'll see what I mean)

Well in all fairness, I've always loved the outdoors. Always have loved to go jungle trekking and mountain climbing, though I don't seem like the kinda guy who does so. 

Then again I will be going to the University of Auckland, which will probably be in the middle of the city. 

I am also looking forward to the internet there, hopefully it'll be a billion times better than the current one we have at home. After experiencing how fast the internet can be in Manchester. You'd realize how behind Malaysia's internet actually is. Well it is moving forward compared to when I first left malaysia, but at such a slow pace.

Only recently do we have 4mbps speeds on streamyx in my area, which we've applied sometime in August, and have yet to hear from the phone company. The biggest problem with our broadband is the lack of competition. Its ridiculous how much cheaper and faster and better in general 3G connection can be in the UK. For the telco service I used over there, it was only 5GBP per month, which is RM25 for unlimited internet. DiGi provide's 1GB of internet for RM48 at a speed of 700kbps. Its just the lack of competition in Malaysia to be honest. When a single company controls the market, they don't get the needed competition to produce better services. As is commonly said, competition between service providers will only serve the customer better. 

Back from my mindless ramblings, I am really having a lot of mixed emotions about leaving. I am rather nervous about meeting new people. When I went to Manchester for my degree, at the time I've already made friends with the other Shell scholars and that made it a lot easier for me to acclimate. This time, it'll be completely different. I don't know anyone in the university at all. So it'll be a completely brand new start for me. I am also excited however, looking forwards to meeting new people. My list of new acquaintances has become stagnant since I got back to Malaysia. It's been a rather dull and busy few months for me in all honesty. 

But I guess that's just how it is with family businesses. You work even during the weekends and evenings. That's also another thing I am looking forward to, not needing to be busy all day and week long. Then again, we all know that university life is not as free and easy going is it sounds. So we'll see how that goes.

Anyways, I am just feeling rather excited as almost everything is settled for my university (visa arrived yesterday and accommodation confirmed a few days ago), that I just couldn't but putting up a post about it. 

Back to work

 

Thoughts

There are times when the only thing you could do is to do nothing but dwell on unnecessary things, when everything you do just annoys you further, and theres nothing in particular that you'd really wanna do... Though its well past bed time, but all you could do is just think... Part of your head knows that all this doesn't matter at all.. None of it is really important.. Not in reality anyway.. (f i just got a back cramp, forgive me if this just spoils my chain of thought) but then, you can help but feel emotionally affected by some things.. Be it tiny things... Sometimes, you'd wish that you could do thinga without being governed but emotions... But then again, we're only human... And our emotions affect our decisions that would define who we are...

I just wish, that I know exactly what I want and what needs to be done to get there... But unfortunately, most things are clouded from oneself... I guess this would be the time to take a break and just think about things.. I do envy my friend Sorae and some other friends and  acquaintances who gets the opportunity to actually take a gap year and do other meaningful things out there while being able to think about where they really want to go... Unfortunately, i dont have the privilage nor the luxury to do as such... I will be going to New Zealand soon for masters... Thats probably news to most people... However, in all honesty, i think im just buying myself time to think on what i really want to do... All my life, the choices i've made with my career... Are all thosw that would give me the most options, literally just go with the flow, while buying myself time to decide what i want to do with my life...

In all honesty, now that i  21,almost 22, i have yet to decide on what i really want to do... =/ there are still decions to make... For the moment, it would seem like my future is tied up to the family business... I know my degree and soon to be masters, are all unrelated to the business, but then again, who else is there next time to carry on with the family business?

Back when i was about to graduate or jusy graduated from high school, i used to want to be a pilot... But my parents told me to get a degree first... After doing foundation, and getting a scholarship for my degree and also deciding what i wanted to do form my degree, i slowlu drifted from my dream of being a pilot...

I thought to myself, when i get the suitable amount of income, i might try being a pilot as a hobby only... However, i grew older, and finished from my degree..

It would also seem like ive been released from the schorship bond... So i ended up working for my parents company while applying yo further my studies for masters...

While working, ive come to really realize how dull working life can be... Is this really what i want to do for the rest of my life? Run an oil palm plantation business? Honestly, they say that if you dont want to work for the rest of your life, you should do something thay you love...

A number of things would come to mind for me, sports maybe, or e-sports, or even some game trialists or games producer... Hahah... Now that'll be interesting... However,  i was never that good at any of it... Well im generally better than average in most things, but i was never exceptionally good in anything...

Sometimes, i wish i could go somewhere, away from everyday life and just gather my thoughts and find out what I REALLY want... I know what my family expects of me, but do I myself really know what I expect to do with myself? I only expect what my family expects of me... But i personally do want to do my own thing sometines..

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LOL

Sometimes the most littlest things just triggers your depression... Next, more little things just annoys you like crazy... Next thing you know, you're full blown pissed and depressed... And to make matters worse, theres noone for you to lend an ear, ane you get even more pissed.. And then you find a blog to post it on XD

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