Thoughts

There are times when the only thing you could do is to do nothing but dwell on unnecessary things, when everything you do just annoys you further, and theres nothing in particular that you'd really wanna do... Though its well past bed time, but all you could do is just think... Part of your head knows that all this doesn't matter at all.. None of it is really important.. Not in reality anyway.. (f i just got a back cramp, forgive me if this just spoils my chain of thought) but then, you can help but feel emotionally affected by some things.. Be it tiny things... Sometimes, you'd wish that you could do thinga without being governed but emotions... But then again, we're only human... And our emotions affect our decisions that would define who we are...

I just wish, that I know exactly what I want and what needs to be done to get there... But unfortunately, most things are clouded from oneself... I guess this would be the time to take a break and just think about things.. I do envy my friend Sorae and some other friends and  acquaintances who gets the opportunity to actually take a gap year and do other meaningful things out there while being able to think about where they really want to go... Unfortunately, i dont have the privilage nor the luxury to do as such... I will be going to New Zealand soon for masters... Thats probably news to most people... However, in all honesty, i think im just buying myself time to think on what i really want to do... All my life, the choices i've made with my career... Are all thosw that would give me the most options, literally just go with the flow, while buying myself time to decide what i want to do with my life...

In all honesty, now that i  21,almost 22, i have yet to decide on what i really want to do... =/ there are still decions to make... For the moment, it would seem like my future is tied up to the family business... I know my degree and soon to be masters, are all unrelated to the business, but then again, who else is there next time to carry on with the family business?

Back when i was about to graduate or jusy graduated from high school, i used to want to be a pilot... But my parents told me to get a degree first... After doing foundation, and getting a scholarship for my degree and also deciding what i wanted to do form my degree, i slowlu drifted from my dream of being a pilot...

I thought to myself, when i get the suitable amount of income, i might try being a pilot as a hobby only... However, i grew older, and finished from my degree..

It would also seem like ive been released from the schorship bond... So i ended up working for my parents company while applying yo further my studies for masters...

While working, ive come to really realize how dull working life can be... Is this really what i want to do for the rest of my life? Run an oil palm plantation business? Honestly, they say that if you dont want to work for the rest of your life, you should do something thay you love...

A number of things would come to mind for me, sports maybe, or e-sports, or even some game trialists or games producer... Hahah... Now that'll be interesting... However,  i was never that good at any of it... Well im generally better than average in most things, but i was never exceptionally good in anything...

Sometimes, i wish i could go somewhere, away from everyday life and just gather my thoughts and find out what I REALLY want... I know what my family expects of me, but do I myself really know what I expect to do with myself? I only expect what my family expects of me... But i personally do want to do my own thing sometines..

Published with Blogger-droid v2.0.2