of feeling all so empty

Hey people, loads of things happen for the past couple of weeks... The past couple of weeks have been really horrible to me... My life has just been going downhill really... I just feel like taking a huge break from life and forgetting everything that has happened.. Sigh, I've lost all motivation in anything really, and the past couple of days my mind have just been wandering miserably... At the moment I just feel like ending everything here and going back home to restart everything all over again... Then again, theres only so many things i could do back at home as well... Sigh, what am I to do?

What happened to all those potential 2 years ago? Whats happening to my life? Sigh.. I'm a failure of a human being really... I may always seem so cheery and happy outside, but seriously, these days, my heart and happiness is just a mass chasm of darkness... I just feel really really really.... Empty... Like I've lost all life's worth... got nothing to look forward to at the moment... NOTHING!

Goodness knows how I even got this scholarship... They've wasted all those money and a worthless being such as me... Recently I've been playing Starcraft 2 alot and been ripping my speed cubing to an average of around just below 35 sec. My personal best now is a 24.22 sec solve.. But yeah, with what happened recently... Theres only so much that could keep my mind of things... While solving my cube, there are always glimpses where its all muscle memory and my brain goes right back into matters that I'd rather forget... When playing starcraft, I could only not think about things when the real play happens, and soon after the losing, and having to surrender again, yeah i've been losing alot since all of it happened too, everything just floods back in... Things feel so unreal at the moment... My life has turned upside down... What happened to that 1st class student in 1st year? What happened to that 4 flatter in foundation? Where did all those motivation go?

I can't even watch family guy and stay focused.. Perhaps I just need a proper break from everything... But I'm just a student, and I can't just take a holiday leave... unfortunately... As much as I really want a good long break right now... I'm still in the thick of things... Sigh, even though I've lost all motivation, I still need to do that 3rd part for design project... still need to get at least a 44% for this sem at the least to mantain that 2nd lower class... But, I just cant seem to get myself to do these things anymore... With how badly the 2nd part was done, I dont even know wether i could help out in the 3rd part... What could I do really? What could I do?

I just feel like wiping all my memories out and start over with my life, maybe restart my life after foundation, and perhaps take another course, it would seem like chem eng isnt my thing...

Sigh...